China A.D. (After Deportation) 2/4-2/6

February 4

OMG!! So I bought a new phone and I believe it can plug into the computer! I bought it for 380 yuan, the cheapest one they had. They sold me a bad sim card so I had to buy another one at the 报亭, or newsstand. They were assholes at Carrefour. Completely inhospitable. In any case, I went to the 报亭 to get the new thing and everyone said how pretty I was, and how much they like Americans. I tell you, Chinese men are just the friendliest people in the world.

Anyway so I wanted to get the phone so bad so I could text Keen and find out what the hell happened. I did and then he texted me back, forwarding me his phone message that said this: Hi, I am not sure where are u now, I landed in Terminal 2 and wait half an hour for the bus and come to T3 on 00:30, unfortunately u landed on 00:06 as showed, then I wait another hour to now 1:30, but still cannot see you, I also called u 15 times but power off, really cannot 不见不散了, Goodnight, I am leaving”


So I called him and now I’m waiting for a call back. He said he will. I can’t wait. This could really be something special.


So he called me back and said that we should get together and go out to eat. I said fine and he said he would come to Sanlitun. I picked him up at the Tuanjiehu station. We then walked down to the village and I wanted to go to Starbucks but it was crowded so we went walking elsewhere. Keen said that he likes how fast I walk and that I keep up with him. Anyway we went into Costa coffee down the back of the village. I got a tiny freaking expresso shot in a little baby mug and he got a latte. It was awkward lol. Anyway so he really likes to talk about politics and the difference between America and China and so we talked about that. He told me how the Dalai Lama is considered a criminal in China, and how he wishes that he could see the same amount of corporate rise in China as he does in America. He still hasn’t really told me what exactly it is that he does, but he’s 25 years old and he seems to be doing fairly well for himself. He also asked what sort of clubs I like to go to and I said Mix, Vicks, and that one 同志巴, and he was like WHAT?? You’re not a lesbian right? And I was like no. And so then he said that he gets hit on by men a lot and that people think he’s gay. But I don’t think so.

In any case, we went to Costa and then we walked around the shopping mall thing that it is inside and I tried on one of those fur ruffs which was nice. He offered to buy it for me, typical Chinese guy, but I refused. Seriously Chinese guys are SO keqi. Anyway after that we debated about going to eat somewhere, I said I like 川菜 (WHY did I say that???) and so we went to a Hunan food place and we ordered this ma la chicken dish as well as a vegetable and a large soup. All of it was spicy but there was a point when eating that chicken dish when I was pretty sure I was going to die. Otherwise though it really tasted good! And so then we were talking, switching from English to Chinese (his English is probably even better than my Chinese, seriously, it’s impressive because one of his majors was English in college) and then we were talking. I mentioned that I couldn’t go out to a club or bar really late with him because I’m taking the Foreign Service Officer test tomorrow for the first time and need to get my sleep (especially since what with vacationing to Japan and getting deported to Hong Kong I haven’t studied at ALL) and so he was like D: and I was like L and he was like well, let’s just go for a while. By this point we’ve each had like three beers and I’m feeling it, and I think he is a little bit too, because in lulls in the conversation we just LOOK at each other and our eyes meet and it’s electric.

We leave the place, he pays, and we go down to the street behind Sanlitun that 3 Rock the bar is on. I choose a bar at random and going inside it turns out to be a mostly-naked-girl dance club. The two girls are touching each other on stage and we watch a while. He buys me and himself a beer for 200 kuai. Unbelievable prices. So then the girls stop and this stupid singer comes out, a band, they’re not that good but I guess the strippers have to take a break or something. In any case, while they’re singing, I forget what he says to me exactly but he turns his head to kiss me and I go for it and I kiss him and we start making out. Right there in the club. I kind of smash his head to mind because I just really WANT it, maybe it’s the beer, maybe it’s because I find him attractive, I dunno, anyway we make out for probably like 5-6 minutes and then he’s like, let’s get out of here.

And I’m like OK. Fuck the FSOT and all.

So we grab a cab and I kind of kiss him in the taxi although I think he wants to respect the driver and just grabs my hand instead. We drive to Jinsong at the end of line 10 and enter the gate to his apartment. I take off my coat, he takes off his, and then in the living room I reach up around his shoulders and grab him and kiss him again, and he whispers against my mouth “I want to fuck you”

And so then he walks me into his bedroom and I’m like unbuttoning his button-down shirt and he takes off my shirt and suddenly we’re naked and its incredible and I’m just feeling him, amazed how skinny he is, he probably weighs less than I do and hes 183 cm, and so I push him down on the bed and I’m like kissing him some more and then he grabs me and flips me over and grabs a condom from over on his nightstand. Im oddly reminded of Josh, how he did the same thing but I was like NO since I wasn’t a virgin then. I marvel now how I don’t mind. I kind of watch him put it on and he grabs me and pulls me inward and then I feel him go in.

Ive been wanting sex for so freaking long and I have to say that it wasn’t exactly a letdown this first time, but I hardly even felt it. It was so weird. I knew he was in there but I didn’t feel like he was really in there. I haven’t had sex since Marshall the day after Christmas of 2011 and I gotta say it just felt DIFFERENT before.

Anyway so he does that and my head kind of rams into the headboard of his bed and then he finishes and pulls out and the condom’s still inside me and I pull it out and we kind of just lay there for a moment. He asks if I want a shower. I’m like sure. So I go take one and use his towel and then he takes one, and I’m almost starting to feel awkward so I do that thing where I act really happy and excited about everything to alleviate it and then we come back. He puts on “peacock” by Katy Perry. Lol. Anyway so I put on my clothes and get ready to leave but then he’s like, its ok, your test is really close, you can 在这里过夜, and I’m like ohh…ok. So then I undress again and we go and lie down again and I’m just kind of caressing him and then before I know it we’re doing it again and it’s a lot better this time. I like the way he kisses here. Then we flop down again and laugh about having just showered and then after we kind of go to sleep and we’re like cuddling and stuff and then go to sleep. We both set our alarms for 6 so that I can have more than enough time to get to my test at 8:30am at the embassy at Liangmaqiao, and go to sleep. I wake up multiple times since it’s so hot in his room at night for some reason. The alarm goes off at 6 and I’m like half dead but suddenly he’s on me and we do it AGAIN, which was good to wake me up, although somehow we both go back to sleep right after and I wake up at 7:20 and thankfully still have enough time to catch a cab out and go take the test.


February 5

I took the test. They took my passport and camera and phone and anything else electronic and took us to a computer room. You have until 11:30 but I finish at 10:30. I come back and go to sleep since I hardly slept the last night with Keen. But he texts me and tells me that he wants me to come to JInsong and he’ll meet me. I say I’ll go at four. I walk out wearing tight black heels but double back for some flats because I just can’t stand the pinching. Anyway so I walk out there and he meets me at the subway after telling me to “go east” which isn’t enough information for me. We go directly to his apartment and fuck some, and then we go to sleep and wake up at 7. I wake up and then he’s like, Can you cook? And in my head I’m like fuck but then I just say, I can cook with American ingredients figuring that he doesn’t have any of those. So thankfully he makes food and it’s really good, he uses pork and bok choy and puts it together with soy sauce and salt, and then slices up potatoes into really long thin pieces and goes over and then it’s totally good with soy sauce and salt and garlic. He’s fairly talented actually. I do that thing where you hug the person that’s cooking from behind, and again, I’m completely amazed at how EMACIATED he is. I do find him really attractive, and like the fact that he’s a DOER, like so many Chinese men are NOT, but man, the man needs to EAT more. He likes to eat oreos for breakfast but otherwise doesn’t do much in that sense. So we eat and then we watch TV, even that Hunan TV show where the guy chooses which girl he likes and she chooses him back that we watched in the one Duan Hong class. We cuddle the whole time and then he accuses me of not watching the TV and so I turn around and I start kissing him, and then we do it on the couch and this time it’s actually like really good. I enjoy it. And then we kind of just chill and spread out and watch more TV, and he continues to talk about politics and other stuff (it seems like he’s very smart, overall) and I tell him about life in America.

Then we go to bed finally because we both have work tomorrow. We sleep in each other’s arms again but once again I keep waking up because it’s just so damn HOT! Anyway we wake up at like 8:30 the next morning and do it again (I think we’re up to 6 times now), and then we stop.

But there are weird things. For one thing, he really doesn’t last very long. With Marshall my vag would hurt for like a while and my inner thighs would be really sore. Not so with this guy, since it literally only takes about 5 minutes or so…maybe more, maybe I’m just not judging it properly. But it doesn’t feel like very long. Also, I feel like he doesn’t get that hard for some reason. And I STILL don’t get wet. I have to use spit all the time with myself, and I forgot the first couple of times so like my vag felt kinda raw. Also I’m no judge of dicks but I think his is pretty small. Just saying. And I know he’s Asian but like…man, Marshall was a lot better in bed and he was Chinese too.

I guess I just feel like this fling isn’t really quenching the sex thirst that I’ve been feeling for a while. Although I enjoy the company and this guy is definitely better looking than Marshall.

But other than the sex, he’s not bad. I think I just really like how tall he is, and he’s Asian, and I think he’s good looking. Attractive men never seem to like me, but this one does. Oh yeah, and Hanh thinks he looks super gay. Which is funny since he told me that one time a 同志 hit on him because that guy also thought he was gay. I didn’t notice before, but I guess he SORT of dresses gay? Oh God.


February 6

So his looks are not a problem. Maybe the fact that we have nothing to say to each other / not have much sexual promise will be. I don’t know. I’m going to enjoy this for what it’s worth now. It’s nice not to be lonely. And he really is quite good looking.

I just texted him that I miss him. I feel SO WEIRD when I say stuff like that. Why am I so bad at being affectionate? It’s driving me crazy that he’s not obsessed with me, I think.

I didn’t go to work like Premy told me to. It just occurred to me that maybe I don’t feel like teaching a bunch of screaming children.

Also I friended him yesterday on Facebook and it says he is interested in men and women. This wouldn’t matter to me except I had taken him for a homophobe…maybe he thinks that that kind of question just means what gender you are interested in befriending? I don’t know…plus it’s so weird that Hanh thinks he’s gay…

Anyway so yeah I texted him that I miss him and he commented on my photo that he likes it. I dunno. He’s not super affectionate either. I might actually have to try.


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