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Great idea: Make a website that tells exactly your shade of eye color

I know so many girls who would go crazy for this. Like, the colors could be really weird like Seaweed green or shit brown 🙂

Anyway so today was boring, I didn’t do much else than apply for jobs.

Weird Dreams Last Night

1) I Know What You Did Last Summer style: I was with my mom and younger sister, and we were in the house and this crazy guy who was huge and ripped wanted to get in, and he did, and he threw a throwing star at me, and so I ran downstairs while he was in Dad’s bathroom, ran out the front door, and locked it behind me, but then he must have smashed through a window or something because it didn’t matter that I’d locked it behind me, anyway I was running and he was trying to catch me and he was a couple of paces behind me, and I knew he would murder me if he caught me, and then I made a sudden right into the area behind Mr. Dimarino’s house, saw him sitting on a lawn chair and was like “HELP HES GOING TO MURDER ME” but he didn’t care, so I kept running, wondering how I was outpacing this guy, and then I ran into a cop and somehow he grabbed me and ran with me and put me under his arm and so I was flying backwards and then I had a gun and I shot the pursuant what felt like 100 times, and I said, Jennifer Love Hewitt style, “Just. Fucking. Die.” As far as dreams go, I don’t think this one was so far out there.

 

2) Had sex with N from Japan a lot, always on the floor, don’t remember much else about this one other than the fact that I would SO do it in real life!

 

3) Had sex with R, or was about to. We were walking past this playground in China and there was the mulch all around on the outside of the building but the playground was inside the old abandoned building, although the walls had fallen off on the side closest to us and there was a bench just on the inside of this crumpled wall. There was a giant tube slide and normal playground equipment. I remember we sat on the bench and I was laying down but my feet were hanging off so I could still see him while he was sitting there. And we were talking, he was as usual more knowledgeable about things, why do men love mansplaining so much? Keen is the same way. I can’t believe in my dreams I end up feeling stupid and uninformed about the world. Anyway then I remember he kind of moved as if to be on top of me and I remembered how he cheated on his girlfriend with me last summer when I didn’t know. And here’s the kicker, I realized I didn’t care, and then I woke up.

 

What I think Dream 1 represents: Probably the man represents my future, if I don’t manage to find a job like, now. The world is coming after me and all I’m doing is running like a big coward. But at least in the end I win, and I SLAM BULLETS INTO HIS MOTHERFUCKING BODY AHAHAHA. Ahem.

Dream 2: I dunno, I’ve just been thinking about that guy a lot I guess. So attractive.

Dream 3: Reminiscing about that summer? I don’t think that’s the word I want. Anyway I’ve been thinking a lot about the Fourth of July weekend and I realized that as much as I tell myself it bothers me that he cheated on D, I also know that if the opportunity came up, I wouldn’t say no because of that and only that. I used to have such huge morals, saying no would have been easy then. But now it’s like, I can’t stop. I have no more self-worth. I just take whatever I can get from whoever I can get it from. I hate it. I hate how I’ve devolved into this useless person with no motivation.

I think the same thing happened to K, to be honest. She was always getting the good grades because she’d never done it any other way. She wanted to please her nutso mother and live up to her snobby old brother’s example. And now she’s depressed and in such a giant hole that she can no longer control her weight nor her mood swings, and she’s no longer any fun to be with. I feel bad that I never really liked her so much to begin with. Maybe if I cared more, I would know how to help her. She says the depression started with mono, but I think that it was probably brewing for years, mostly because of her mother.

Her mother, after all, blamed my dad for feeding Kathryn too much breakfast those couple of times. I admit, it was probably annoying, and my dad definitely has a problem knowing whether or not people feel comfortable saying no to him. But insinuating that my father is the reason for your daughter’s weight problem when she only sleeps over like, 4 times a year? That woman is a psycho bitch. I knew a lot of West students who saw this and hated her because of it.

As for my own weight? Substituting all sugar for Doritos has had the surprising effect of letting me shed a couple pounds. I don’t have a 体重器 so I can’t say for certain, but I definitely do feel lighter. Yay. Maybe now all the Asian men in my life can STFU.

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